today

 band season is all done, and we're in concert band. i've been working on this edit of gerran howell for fun and it's going slow because things keep malfunctioning. i'm moving between the pitt, young dracula, and the world made straight. i still like star trek and i don't think i ever won't. in my seminar class, we have a presentation on monday, and i really don't have much confidence in it. i had a great day until the end. i talked to my mom about how it feels to not fit in and i dont think she understood. a lot of what she said made me feel a little bad about the way i am, and from the way she talked about it, it felt like she's saying that those reasons (2) were why people didn't like me. i asked her to go get me tested for something for like the fourth time in a few years and she finally said that it was okay if went to go check what the problem was. i'd asked her when i first got into therapy and she said no because she was convinced nothing was wrong with me. i am so exhausted with either pretending or acting like i don't know if something's wrong with me. i know something is, but i just cant figure it out, and i'm tired of people pretending like i'll be fine. i will be but i just want answers.